She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
