I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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