Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
