Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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