I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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