He disabled his match.com account in front of me
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
