Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
