So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
