I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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