I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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