God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
