the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
