Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I am naked and annoyed.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
