You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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