I think my vagina is haunted
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
