Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
