we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
