There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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