i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
