you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It's never too late to be topless.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
