I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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