Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
