just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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