clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
