Whatcha textin bout Willis?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
