and you said cock pushups were impossible
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
