going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
