trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
