Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
