1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
