He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
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