Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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