FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Randomize
