Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
