He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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