We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I am full of burrito and curiosity
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
