K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
