Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
