I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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