Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
