Me. At least after what I've been through.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I smell like Dick and happiness
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
