She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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