Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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