if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
