Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
