I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
