Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
