need another drink. this is the easiest way
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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