I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
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