He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
How naked do you want me to be?
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