More tranny stories later!
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
