i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
