Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
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