I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
