I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
