We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
