You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
i need some magic done to my vagina
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
